• July 7, 2022

The set-up: slot hoki

 

26 players in a hotel conference room.

$50 buy-in with no rebuy.

Four tables covered in Green table cloths.

A couple cases of beer

$100T in chips

50 minute levels beginning at $1/$2 with a ten minute break at each increase

Top five finishers get paid.

The room was largely full of unknowns to me. I knew Teddy “Tight” Ballgame, the Rankster, Emerald City Derrick, Greenwood Phil, Tatwood, G-Rob, and slot hoki . The other 18 players were wild cards. I sized them up one by one, judging each card-holding book by its cover.

I got set the Diamond Table with this motley crew:

Seat One: Brad A-hat (not short for asshat, by the way)

Seat Two: David the Mute

Seat Three: Danny C-Gar

Seat Four: Otis (Otis LOVES drawing this seat by the way)

Seat Five: G-Rob

Seat Six: Mr. I’m going to get creamed by BadBlood’s quads so soon that I didn’t have time to properly introduce myself.

Seat Seven: BadBlood

Seat Eight: Stevie Broomcorn

I already knew BadBlood was the table favorite. I knew G-Rob would be loose, even though I told him to play tight. I figured Brad A-Hat and David the Mute for solid players and the rest of the guys to be middle of the road to poor. My pre-game predictions had BadBloood, Brad A-Hat, and me leaving the table alive.

I was wrong.

***

Memorable Hand #1–

During the first level, I’d done my best to establish myself as a tight player. I’d done everything I could, including proclaiming “TIGHT!” every time I raised (times that were very few and far between). I was within seconds of breaking out the old “tight as a 16-year old cheerleader” line when I looked down and saw pocket jacks.

“Raise.”

I barely had the words out of my mouth when G-Rob announced, “Raise.”

Maybe he hadn’t heard me. See, I had said, “Raise.” By that I meant, “Get the hell out of my way, because I’m tight, see, and when I raise I have a hand that will make yours look like a kid who …

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